THAT’S WHY!

HE MOVES DOWN TO THE GARBAGE PAIL AND PUTS
HIS ARM IS NOW, DOWN INTO A TRASH CAN. HE
IS UP TO HIS SHOULDER, A SCRAP OF MEAT
PRESET IN HIS HAND.


AHHHHHH..... EEEEHHHHHH....
(to himself)

Comeon Johnnny boy... AHHHHH

FREEZES AS IF AFRAID TO MOVE - IT
CAUTIOUSLY EVOLVES INTO GREAT PLEASURE.

Ahhhhhh!!! I knew it, knew it, knew it... Come to papa, my
little beauty!

TRIUMPHANTLY PULLS OUT HIS ARM, AND SLOWLY
UNCLENCHES HIS FIST TO REVEAL A SCRAP OF
MEAT. HE LOOKS IT OVER LIKE A NEWBORN BABY,
KISSES IT TENDERLY ... AND JUST WHEN WE'RE
LURED INTO HIS WORLD, HE SNAPS HIS HEAD BACK
AND PLAINLY ANNOUNCES:

People want food!

POPS THE SCRAP INTO HIS MOUTH.

They want food,
that's what it is, that's what it is,
they want food, that's why they run.
What else could it be?

And money,
they want money,
to buy food,
they want money to buy food,
that's the problem, that's why it's the way it is,
that's why they run.

They want to commute
go here, go there, come back, go back,
come here, go there, turn around, go back,
they want to commute all over the place.

Where are they going? Where can they go?

To find jobs, to go to jobs
to start businesses, to run businesses
to make money to buy food
that's why they run.

They want cars,
more cars,
fast cars,
to commute faster,
they want more and more fast cars
so everyone can commute,
come back, go back, come here, go there,
turn around, go back
get stuck in traffic jams
sit in traffic jams all day,
in the morning, in the afternoon, in the night,
drive here, drive there,
they want to commute all over the place in their fast cars
but there are so many of them
no one can go fast!
So they sit honking at each other
nose to rear end, nose to rear end,
wanting to kill the guy in front the woman in back
because they can't go fast,
they can't commute all over the place sitting in traffic jams.
It's an obsession. Go. Come. Go. Come. Commute!
To pay mortgages, credit cards, college loans, airplane
tickets,
so they can go someplace else from where they already are.
That's the trouble,
that's the reason they want to run,
what else could make people go crazy like that?
Look around.
Anywhere.
Next to you.
Look at them, look at them, sitting next to you.
LOOK!
You know what they're thinking?
You know what they're thinking?
I know what they're thinking?
They're thinking of food!
Which reminds them of money, then jobs, then cars, then
commuting
and THAT'S WHY THEY RUN!

Everyone's running away from everyone.
That's how it is.
They get bored looking at each other.
Sitting across from each other... Chewing.
Chewing at each other every morning, noon and night.
They get nauseous watching each other chew, chew, chew, chew,
like little trains that chew, chew, chew and never stop...
They go out with their credit cards,
ready to charge a meal,
so they can watch each other chewing...
then they can't stand what they see,
so they commute sommmmewheeerrrree else,
they would cross continents to get away from each other
chewing.
No one can look anyone else in the eye because they'll be
reminded
of their families chewing morning noon and night!
They buy food so they eat eat eat instead of talk.
They shove food in their mouths, so they have an excuse not to
talk.
And if you can't talk, you don't have to look--you can commute.
Commute from the table to the sofa,
from the sofa to the bathroom,
to then the refrigerator and back
to the sofa, to the bathroom, to the bedroom to sleep,
you can commute until you die...

STARTS TO LEAVE. RETURNS.

Then, you commute from the place you die,
to the morgue, to the funeral parlor, to the cemetery, into the
ground,
and who knows where after that?
Probably the worms stomachs, out their little assholes as
nutrients,
traveling into the roots of plants up into the plant's cells,
into their eggs and spermies
and into fertilization,
into the birth of a new being
and then up into someone's eyeball...
sitting across from someone somewhere,
watching them morning noon and night...CHEWING!!!

RECOVERS. PLEASED WITH HIMSELF.

There. That's the answer! I knew it, knew it, knew it.

REACHES INTO TRASH CAN AND GRABS A CRUST
OF BREAD, USES IT TO GESTURE.

Now, if I could only remember the question...

HE TAKES A BIG BITE OF BREAD AND CHEWS,
CHEWS, CHEWS...

THE LIGHT FADE OUT.

"SPELLBINDING.... 'in Perfectly Norm-iLL People," his second solo, Monteleone slips with ease from one character to another with an original or hysterical line to draw you in."
SCN

" BRAVURA PERFORMANCE... Monteleone demonstrates a convincing range in evoking 10 different characters" 
Steve Parks
Newsday